If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
