I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
