Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
