dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
