May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is wine microwaveable?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
