so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
