I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
