my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
