I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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