she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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