im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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