dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
