she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
