If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
