so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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