No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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