if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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