do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
