I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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