Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
