Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
