If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
