Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
