Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
