When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
