Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
