I smell stomach acid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
