people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
home. puking in laundry basket.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
