That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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