first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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