Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
