You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
