please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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