So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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