I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
