we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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