That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
