i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How does it feel to date your dad?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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