Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
