Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
