Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
