Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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