Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
