Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
