I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
