You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
