My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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