I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
