I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
