Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
