Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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